This weekend I read the book: This lovely life: a memoir of premature motherhood. It opened my eyes to the suffering and grief that can surround families with premature and severely disabled children. The book also showed how the mother came to love and care for her premature twins conceived after years of fertility treatments while finding forgiveness and embracing her "lovely life". Born at 24 wks gestation, one twin died just a few days after birth, while the other lived almost 8 yrs with severe disabilities. This book taught me more about how devastating and life changing the loss of a child, and caring for a child with disabilities can be. It also taught me how we can rise above these challenges and accept them.
In the book she included this poem written by her friend's grandmother. The author's friend also had a disabled daughter and they had met during their time in the NICU together.
Ah, lovely life
Come stay yet a while with me
I am a beggar for your errant charms,
although I know your sorrows many be
I try to hold you prisoner in my arms
I'll ever dread to see you go away
Yet you are fickle as the
Your trials are heavy
let come what may
The thrill of you is ever there
Through this book I was reminded that while I don't have a perfect life, I have a lovely one. This weekend was hard for me emotionally. I have no idea why, maybe I was hormonal, maybe I was wasn't. I was just tired of still not having kids. But kids or no kids, I do have a lovely life and I will make more of an effort to remember that and enjoy the loveliness that it contains.