Do Your Best and Forget the Rest

Over the last 2+ months, my husband and I have been doing the P90X exercise DVDs.  It has been hard, challenging, good, sweaty, and fun.  I have done more push ups and pull ups than I ever thought was possible.  And I also actually have a decent bicep and a 2 pack of abs.  (Still working on the 6 pack).   The trainer on the DVDs, Tony Horton, is actually pretty entertaining.  The workouts go fairly quickly, and I feel so great afterwards.  It has also helped me get a good start to the day.  It is also helpful to be doing them with my husband, because we help each other wake up and maintain our motivation.  

Anyhow, one of my favorite lines that Tony always says is, "Do your best, and forget the rest."  I have liked this line, because when a hard day rolls around, I think of this line and it helps.  All I can do is my best.  I can control that much of a situation.  And then I just need to forget and not worry about the rest.  

Maybe someday soon, if I am courageous enough, I will post a picture of my muscles.  Doubtful, but you never know.  My husband and I like watching the videos people make of their transformation from this program.  Some of them are pretty amazing.  It sure is nice to fit into clothes I hadn't worn in years, and to now have the problem of needing to purchase some belts so my clothes will stay on.  

 

Poem: Just the Same

My church puts out a monthly magazine called the Ensign, and the April issue arrived the other day.  I was so happy to see an article about infertility in it.  Unfortunately, the electronic version is not up yet, maybe it doesn't go up until April begins.  When I am able to post it for you I will.  But in the meantime, I happened to see a poem in the magazine and as I read it I realized it was about adoption.  I thought it was a beautiful poem, so I thought I would share.

Just the Same

By Diana Lynn Lacey

Sometimes--

God sends rain

Straight from the sky

To nourish the young flower

and it grows.

Sometimes--

God sends rain from the sky 

To the mountaintops,

Then over hills and through valleys 

Until it reaches the flower

and it grows, just the same.

Sometimes--

God sends a child 

Straight from His realm

Into a mother's arms

and love grows.

Sometimes--

God sends a child

From heaven to another's arms,

Then over hills and through valleys

Until he reaches the arms of his mother

and love grows, just the same.  

Open Adoption

When people hear about our adoption a natural question that is asked of us is, "is it open?"  Usually, the person asking this doesn't even know what he or she is really asking.  An open adoption is such a broad term and is different for each birthparent and adoptive couple.

Before our adoption was finalized my husband and I attended an adoption conference.  At this conference they had a panel of birthmothers who shared their experiences and answered our questions.  I learned many things from them, but one thing that I learned was how different each of their "open" adoptions were.

And the interesting thing was that for each one of them, how they had their communication and level of openness set up, worked for them.  I was reminded not to promise to a level of openness I was not willing to commit to.  Equally important, these birthmothers shared how the thing they feared the most was that the level of openness decided upon would not be honored by the adoptive family.

Everyone has heard horror stories of this happening and understandably, nobody wants it to happen to them.  Our son's birthparents were concerned about this happening to them as well.  No one enforces your relationship with one another after placement, it is between you and your child's birthparents.  The tricky thing about adoption is that not until after papers are signed and our son was placed with us, we didn't have the opportunity to prove ourselves and that we were good for our word.  Our son's birthparents had to trust us at our word, which is a hard and scary thing to do.  We could often sense that they were nervous about this, so we tried to be proactive and remind them of our commitment to them and the level of openness we had decided upon.  So this was also nerve wracking for us.  Prior to the placement, we trusted them in their commitment to the adoption, and then after placement our son's birthparents would have to trust us in our commitments to them.

Is our adoption open?  Yes.  What does that mean?  Well, in our adoption we send emails and pictures.  We felt that the first few weeks, and then also on holidays and birthdays would be especially difficult for our son's birth mother.  So we sent texts and pictures on a daily basis the first little while.  We also told her that if she was having a hard day and just wanted to see a picture of the little guy, to call or text us and we would send one.  She always sends a text saying hello when he turns another month old and I send a picture of him to her.

Our son's birthparents asked if they could visit the little guy at Christmas time and give him a gift.  We told them, "Of course."  It was nice to see them and they seemed to enjoy seeing the little guy.  I am happy with how the communication we have with our son's birthparents. They are great people and we care about them.  They gave us one of the most wonderful gifts we had ever received, and I will never forget them for that.

I am happy with the relationship we have with our son's birthparents.  And I am grateful for the love and respect they show to us as well.

Like Magic

Whenever my little guy is tired and I can't get him to sleep I take him on a walk around the block and like magic, he falls asleep.  I love that circle.  Tonight he was fussy and tired, so I decided it would be easier to put him down to sleep if I took him on a walk first.  Dressed in his dinosaur pjs, out we went.   He was crying a little as I closed the door behind us.  My neighbors were outside playing catch and they made some joke about how my baby was mad b/c I didn't take him out earlier.  I laughed, but didn't have time to stop and chat b/c I needed to settle my little one down.  A minute later he had stopped crying and I was able to make him laugh by shaking a toy on his stroller at him.  A minute later his eyes were droopy.  And then 3 min later he was asleep.  I smiled victoriously as I rounded the corner to home.  I was hoping my neighbors were still outside.  I was not disappointed.  They looked at my baby and said, "Is he asleep?"  I replied, "Yep, I call this walk the "magic circle".  I love it.  It works every time."  

Then I wheeled my little guy inside and then carefully picked him up and set him in his crib.  It was great.  

Humbled

That is how I feel right now.

I just reread some thoughts I had written a few months ago about my journey from devastation, sadness with infertility to one where I faced the unknown future with hope and peace.  As I read it, I felt humbled and I was filled with love and gratitude for God and our Savior Jesus Christ.  In some ways it felt like I had gone back in a time machine.  As I read it I felt the sadness I had felt and then the renewed hope and joy that I also felt during that trying time in my life.  It also seemed so long ago.  I almost feel like I was a different person then.  Just trying to keep my head afloat and not let the despair of childlessness drown me took a lot of effort.  It was so difficult.  I have a small knot of dread and nervousness in the pit of my stomach right now as I think about how I might fare this next time when we try to adopt another child.  I would be naive to think things would go as quickly and as well as they did this time.  But I guess I can still hope.

I will go into it as a completely different person though.  And as difficult as it might be, it really does help and bring comfort knowing that I have an amazing son that I love so very much.

Today was a great day.  I love watching my husband interact with our son.  He was such a proud papa today.  I took our little guy to meet him for lunch at a duck pond near his work.  As we pulled up to the site, my husband told our little guy, "your mom and I talked about bringing you hear a long time ago."  That is true, but I had completely forgotten about that.  It had been so long ago, back when we thought it was easy to get pregnant and have a baby.  My husband showed our son all of the ducks and it was so sweet to see him with him.  It was such a wonderful day.

So with that memory fresh in my mind and then with having read those words I wrote in the past, I couldn't help but feel filled with gratitude and humility for the wonderful son I have been blessed to have in my home.

A whole new wardrobe

How would it be to wake up from a nap and find that you had a whole new set of clothes waiting for you? I would love that.  And if I could wear these clothes for  3 months and then have it happen again.  Even better.

Today I am cleaning out my little guy's clothes.  He keeps growing and growing.  The first few months he breezed through his newborn clothes and had jumped into his 3 month clothes by the time he was 2 months old.  Then he took his time enjoying those clothes, but is now wanting to get a chance to wear his 3-6 month and 6 month clothes before he grows out of them.

Baby clothes sizing is so tricky.  I am looking at the 6 month clothes and they say they will fit babies 12-16 lbs and 24-26 inches.  Well, my baby is 17 lbs and 27 inches.  And they are just now fitting him.  Or maybe they would've fit him sooner, and now I am worried that he will only get to wear these clothes a few weeks.  Aaah.  I guess it's good to have these types of problems to worry about.  I am sure he will help me out by drooling and spitting all over them so he can wear 2-3 outfits a day.

I hope these clothes don't shrink in the wash, or I'll really be in trouble.  So far I haven't had any trouble with his clothes shrinking.  I have learned a little bit more about the many knobs on my washer and dryer and what they mean.  I know, technically I should wash them before he wears them, but I don't.  He had so many 3 month size clothes and I thought he would wear them just a few weeks at the rate he had been growing that I exchanged some of them for 6 month size clothes. And now it seems like I have too many 6 month clothes. Oh well.  I'll just see what he gets through and then if he doesn't get to wear some of the ones with tags on I will exchange them for a bigger size.  But he will probably have just enough and my worries will be for naught.

I am a bit concerned about the clothes I have that say they are a 6-12 month size.  That is quite a range.  I am hoping they will fit him when he is 9-12 months old.  

It has been both sad and exciting to organize my little one's drawers.  Sad to put his cute little onesies I love away, but exciting to see the new ones he will wear.  I think of the people that gave him those clothes and the love they have for my little guy and it brings a smile to my face.  I have such happy memories when I look at the clothes my little guy has worn.

Who knew you could get so sentimental about clothing?  

My husband's aunt gave him this pj outfit.  He looks so cute in them.  I will be sad when he no longer fits into these.  I am glad I put them on him early.  The size said 6 months, but they barely fit him when he was 3 months. And then they seemed to stretch out a bit and they still fit him.  I think he will wear these to bed tonight.

 Our son's birthfather's sister gave him this outfit.  It was so thoughtful and nice of her. 

One of my brothers gave him this Letterman's jacket.  I love it when it is cold enough for him to wear it.  And I get sad when he gets too warm and I need to take it off. 

Another brother of mine gave him this outfit.  I was feeling "bananas over my baby" and had fun making two of him with the photobooth feature on my computer.  :D  You can never have too much of a good thing.