Infertility Myth Buster

For National Infertility Awareness Week I decided I would participate in Resolve's "Bust an Infertilty Myth" blog challenge.

The myth I have chosen to write about is well known and I am sure many of you have heard it.  It is:  "Just adopt and then you'll get pregnant".

Many people who knew my husband and I were hoping to adopt a child would tell me, "You know, once you adopt, you will get pregnant."  And then after we adopted our child, invariably some people just had to tell us about some random person they knew who had adopted a child and was now pregnant.

When people say this is I really don't think they are thinking about what they are saying.  Do they really think I adopted my child in hopes that once I did so I would become pregnant and have a biological child?

Adoption is not a means to becoming pregnant.  In fact only 5% of couples who adopt later become pregnant.  It is a very insensitive thing to say to someone who has adopted a child.  And when I am told this, I cringe, take a deep breath and try to explain in the nicest way possible that this is simply not true and I that I don't appreciate hearing this statement.  I cannot imagine our family without our little guy who came through us through the miracle and blessing of adoption.   I would hate for him to think that we adopted him only in hopes that by doing so I would then become pregnant and have a biological child.  Love, not blood, is what binds my family together.

Finalizing our Adoption

Last week was busy and exciting, and this week, it seems to be just as busy.  Here is it Thursday and I don't really have time to write, but I figured if I didn't do it now, I wouldn't catch another free moment later.

In order to finalize our adoption we needed to go to court and receive legal custody.  Over the past 6 months we have had physical custody, but our agency retained legal custody for a period of 6 months.  We needed to get a lawyer and have him do some paperwork in order to complete the process.  So last week we were able to go to court to receive legal custody.  

We drove up to the court house, but on our way my husband asked if I had my wallet and ID.  Did I?  Of course not.  I had forgotten it, but told him I didn't think I needed it.  But he wanted me to have it just in case.  So we turned around, drove back and I retrieved it.  This put us arriving 30 min late to the courthouse. So I was a little nervous.  Who wants to be late to court?  Not me.  We were told that the judge would randomly call up the cases to be heard and when we were called we would go up.  When we arrived the room was quiet and pretty empty.  I was a little nervous.  Were we too late?  What had we missed?  The judge was nowhere to be seen

We saw our lawyer and sat on the bench with him and apologized for being late and explained what had happened.  He said, no problem.  I asked him where the judge was and if we had missed anything.  He told me that the judge hadn't arrived yet.  Thank Goodness.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I still don't know what would've happened if he had called us up and we weren't there.  We settled in our bench to wait.  Five minutes later, the judge arrived, and guess who was called up first?  Yes, we were.  

Our little guy was asleep, but I wanted him to be awake for this occasion.  So I rustled his blankets a little and his eyes popped open.  So then I lifted him out of his stroller and held him for the few minutes it took for the judge to hear our case.  When the judge saw our little guy looking at him and listening he laughed.  Then the judge stated we were our child's legal parents, took a picture with us, and everything was finalized.  

It was great.  A very fun and adventurous morning.  Then we went out to breakfast to celebrate.  :)

Oh, and some of you might be wondering, did I need my ID?  Nope.  Nobody asked for it.  But, we did need a check, which we didn't have.  Who carries a checkbook around these days?  Well, we found out that my mother in law does.  So that worked out well.  We needed to write a check so we could get our little guy's birth certificate sent to us.  That reminds me, we never paid her back for that.  I guess I will have to get a check in the mail to her for that.  :)

Busy Week

It has been a busy week here.  Between company in town, getting our bathrooms remodeled, and finalizing our baby's adoption we have been quite busy.  Yes, you just read that right!  Our adoption is finalized!  Woo hoo.  I will write more details about it next week.

Time flies

when you're having fun.

And we have been having a lot of it.

It has been an amaizng 6 months.
  

I just love this little guy.

Do Your Best and Forget the Rest

Over the last 2+ months, my husband and I have been doing the P90X exercise DVDs.  It has been hard, challenging, good, sweaty, and fun.  I have done more push ups and pull ups than I ever thought was possible.  And I also actually have a decent bicep and a 2 pack of abs.  (Still working on the 6 pack).   The trainer on the DVDs, Tony Horton, is actually pretty entertaining.  The workouts go fairly quickly, and I feel so great afterwards.  It has also helped me get a good start to the day.  It is also helpful to be doing them with my husband, because we help each other wake up and maintain our motivation.  

Anyhow, one of my favorite lines that Tony always says is, "Do your best, and forget the rest."  I have liked this line, because when a hard day rolls around, I think of this line and it helps.  All I can do is my best.  I can control that much of a situation.  And then I just need to forget and not worry about the rest.  

Maybe someday soon, if I am courageous enough, I will post a picture of my muscles.  Doubtful, but you never know.  My husband and I like watching the videos people make of their transformation from this program.  Some of them are pretty amazing.  It sure is nice to fit into clothes I hadn't worn in years, and to now have the problem of needing to purchase some belts so my clothes will stay on.  

 

Poem: Just the Same

My church puts out a monthly magazine called the Ensign, and the April issue arrived the other day.  I was so happy to see an article about infertility in it.  Unfortunately, the electronic version is not up yet, maybe it doesn't go up until April begins.  When I am able to post it for you I will.  But in the meantime, I happened to see a poem in the magazine and as I read it I realized it was about adoption.  I thought it was a beautiful poem, so I thought I would share.

Just the Same

By Diana Lynn Lacey

Sometimes--

God sends rain

Straight from the sky

To nourish the young flower

and it grows.

Sometimes--

God sends rain from the sky 

To the mountaintops,

Then over hills and through valleys 

Until it reaches the flower

and it grows, just the same.

Sometimes--

God sends a child 

Straight from His realm

Into a mother's arms

and love grows.

Sometimes--

God sends a child

From heaven to another's arms,

Then over hills and through valleys

Until he reaches the arms of his mother

and love grows, just the same.  

Open Adoption

When people hear about our adoption a natural question that is asked of us is, "is it open?"  Usually, the person asking this doesn't even know what he or she is really asking.  An open adoption is such a broad term and is different for each birthparent and adoptive couple.

Before our adoption was finalized my husband and I attended an adoption conference.  At this conference they had a panel of birthmothers who shared their experiences and answered our questions.  I learned many things from them, but one thing that I learned was how different each of their "open" adoptions were.

And the interesting thing was that for each one of them, how they had their communication and level of openness set up, worked for them.  I was reminded not to promise to a level of openness I was not willing to commit to.  Equally important, these birthmothers shared how the thing they feared the most was that the level of openness decided upon would not be honored by the adoptive family.

Everyone has heard horror stories of this happening and understandably, nobody wants it to happen to them.  Our son's birthparents were concerned about this happening to them as well.  No one enforces your relationship with one another after placement, it is between you and your child's birthparents.  The tricky thing about adoption is that not until after papers are signed and our son was placed with us, we didn't have the opportunity to prove ourselves and that we were good for our word.  Our son's birthparents had to trust us at our word, which is a hard and scary thing to do.  We could often sense that they were nervous about this, so we tried to be proactive and remind them of our commitment to them and the level of openness we had decided upon.  So this was also nerve wracking for us.  Prior to the placement, we trusted them in their commitment to the adoption, and then after placement our son's birthparents would have to trust us in our commitments to them.

Is our adoption open?  Yes.  What does that mean?  Well, in our adoption we send emails and pictures.  We felt that the first few weeks, and then also on holidays and birthdays would be especially difficult for our son's birth mother.  So we sent texts and pictures on a daily basis the first little while.  We also told her that if she was having a hard day and just wanted to see a picture of the little guy, to call or text us and we would send one.  She always sends a text saying hello when he turns another month old and I send a picture of him to her.

Our son's birthparents asked if they could visit the little guy at Christmas time and give him a gift.  We told them, "Of course."  It was nice to see them and they seemed to enjoy seeing the little guy.  I am happy with how the communication we have with our son's birthparents. They are great people and we care about them.  They gave us one of the most wonderful gifts we had ever received, and I will never forget them for that.

I am happy with the relationship we have with our son's birthparents.  And I am grateful for the love and respect they show to us as well.