These last few days I have been feeling like everyone else but me is either pregnant or spending time with their beautiful children. Facebook is exploding with baby announcements, ultrasound images, and smiling children. And then, out in real life away from cyberspace, it isn't any better. I can hardly turn around without running into a pregnant person who is having a baby shower every other Saturday. And then there's me. Lonesome, un-pregnant, childless me. I feel so far away from having a child. And that cruel fact has really gotten me down.
I try to be happy for the people that are pregnant, but it is just so hard right now. Maybe because both of my sisters are pregnant. I don't know why, but sometimes it hits closer to home and hurts more when family members are expecting. I'm happy for them, but they have no idea how much it hurts to be infertile, and maybe that is why I am struggling right now. How do you tell someone who is so thrilled and excited with life and the new life growing inside of them how much you are aching inside without them taking it personally and then hating you for bringing them down? I don't know, so therefore I don't say anything and hope the moment of sadness passes soon.
I am dreading going to help my sister this next week not because I don't want to, but because I am afraid I will be a downer and will end up ruining this happy moment for her. I don't know why I thought I would be okay helping her. I guess I thought, "I take care of babies all day at work and it's no problem", but now I am really concerned about my ability to do this.
Oh well, I just keep trying to think about something else and I try to keep myself busy. But I fear I am failing miserably. I just hope and pray I start feeling better soon.