2ww

A few days ago I realized I was in a 2ww (two week wait for my fertile friends) countdown until the day our baby would be born and until he would be in my arms on his way home.

Yipeeeeeeeeee!

Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

I was excited and nervous all at once.  I wish I hadn't thought of this last little bit of waiting as a 2ww.  I hate the 2ww, in the past it never turned out well.  But thank goodness this time it will be different.

In writing this I truly hope that last sentence is true.  I don't know what I will do if it isn't.  Well, yes I do.  But let's not go there.  Right now this is a time for excitement.  I am counting down the days until he will be born and I will get to see him.

I could dance a little jig right now I am so excited.

I can hardly wait.  I am so looking forward to having him be a part of our family.

Lost some credibility

This weekend I read a book that had tips about how to bond with your baby, how to help calm him, how to help him sleep, etc...

It seemed like a pretty good book until I got to the "special circumstances" section about fostering and adopting kids.  It was a very short section.  And unfortunately, this short section contained some advice for adoptive parents.  In essence it was:  You may get pregnant after adopting.  We don't know why it happens, but people that adopt often get pregnant afterwards.

Come on lady, give me a break.  I thought you were some scholar or renowned baby expert.  What were you thinking when you put this paragraph in here?

Needless to say, the book lost a bit of credibility with me.  I will keep her tips in mid, but she obviously doesn't know everything if she had to fall back on the age old, "adopt and then you will get pregnant" myth.  And maybe that's good that I know she is human and fallible.  I don't need to take everything "the expert" said and think that's the way things are supposed to be.

Beautiful Adoption Song

This is one of my favorite songs about adoption. The song is called: From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours.  In this video, the artist, Michael McLean is singing it while at an adoption conference. It is just beautiful. It brings tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart whenever I hear it.  If clicking on the video doesn't work, try clicking here

Adoption is about love

I will probably never by #2 on the stirrup queen's ICLW list again, and I have been trying to figure out what to say.  Do I say something witty or something profound?  Do I talk about infertility, adoption, or upcoming baby stuff?

I suppose I will write from my heart and write about adoption and more specifically about birth or expectant parents.

I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration of the birth parents of our "soon to be" child.  I think they are amazing and selfless people.

My husband and I are humbled to have been chosen by them to parent their child.

We look forward to telling our son about them and how much they love him.

They are doing something for us that we cannot do for ourselves.  They are bringing a beautiful child into our home.  Adoption truly is a miracle.  I know they will experience heart ache and pain in this process, I only hope my prayers and love for them can ease some of that for them.

I have been thinking a lot about what gift I can give them during placement, and while I have some ideas, everything just seems so small and insignificant in comparison to what they are doing for us.  So, while I will give them a small tangible gift they can hold, I think the best thing I can give them is continued contact (as we have already agreed to do) with us.  I can also give them the peace of mind through the months and years that will follow that their child is loved by us.  I will also always hold them in high esteem and tell our son how much they love him as well.

Adoption truly is about love.  I am so grateful to have my life touched by the miracle of adoption.  Many years ago when we started down this infertile path, my mind turned to think about the fact and hope that we would someday be able to experience this great miracle of adoption in our lives.  I am filled with love for my future son, love for his birth parents, and love for all those that have helped me and continue to help me in this journey.

Happiness and Hope

I received an award from Amel at : http://serenity-in-chaos.blogspot.com/  Thank you Amel.  She is a blogger from Finland.  It is so great how our IF community can reach out all over the world.

The rules are easy.  You put that picture up on your blog and you post about one thing you're happy about right now and one thing that you are hoping for in the future. And then you pass the award along.

Happy about right now:
I have a great husband, nice home, good friends and family, and life is good.  The hope I have also makes me happy.


I hope:
To hold my son in a few weeks.  I hope to hear his laughter fill our home.  I can't wait to see his little feet running all around the house.  I look forward to seeing what an amazing father my husband will be.  


I am sending this award on to Rebecca at http://roadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/.  She is a very inspiring friend and person.  Her strength and kindness regularly brings me happiness and hope.  

Glow Worm

Every time I have told someone about our upcoming adoption.  I just glow with happiness and joy.  It is such an amazing feeling.  I have told all of my coworkers and it is just wonderful to feel of their happiness and excitement for me.

When I told "L".  She started hyperventilating.  And said, "quick, give me a hug right now".  It was so cute.  She is so wonderful.

"N" said, "What are we having?  And we have a lot to do...You're glowing."  She is so cute.

Telling "J" brought tears to my eyes.  She said, "You deserve it.  He is a lucky guy."  To which I replied, "I am the lucky one".  She then said,  "I know you have been wanting this for a long time.  And I am really happy for you.  And you know, I don't say things I don't mean."  She then proceeded to tear up, so, what could I do, but do the same?

Each day that passes brings me a little closer to our little guy.  I can't wait!

Wordless Wednesday: Wipeout Video

This is a clip from a hilarious show where people go through an obstacle course. The commentators are just as hilarious. Hope you enjoy this and get some good laughs.

Baby Steps

We met up again with the birth parents this weekend.  We went out to dinner and had a nice time chatting and getting to know one another a bit more.  They are really great people.  I felt good about how everything was going.  I felt at peace, excited, and joyful.

I felt those same feelings this morning on my run.

Then I started to get nervous.  Nervous that things wouldn't work out.  Nervous that our meeting hadn't gone as well as I thought.  I talked with my hubby a bit and that helped.  He reminded me, "It's out of our hands."  At this point there is nothing we can do.  If things don't work out, then they don't work out.  While I realize that, that is one of the reasons it is scary and I feel nervous.  I want to be in control.  I want to make sure everything works out.  Aaaaah.   Deep breath.

I tried to keep myself busy by cleaning and going to the grocery store.  My sister called and it was nice to be able to talk to her a bit.  Then my friend told me she was home and I could come pick up a crib and her rocking chair.  So I went and picked that up.  And now I am feeling a bit better.  I am about to head out to go to my sister in law's house to pick up some more baby stuff--car seat, pack n play, etc.

I have been so amazed at the outpouring of love and baby stuff from people when we tell them we are adopting.  I am so grateful to everyone for their help.  Our baby is going to be so loved and we will be able to tell him about everyone who was so excited about his arrival and how they helped us stuff his room full of the things we needed to take care of him.

I can do this.  It is just a few more weeks until I will be holding my little bundle of joy.

The Infertile Brain

I loved this post by one of my bloggy friends, Augusta,  because it captured some of the feelings I have been having as it relates to our upcoming adoption.  Augusta is referring to embryo donation, but I think it applies to all of us with infertile brains.  She said, "Do I have to leave the safe platform of my fears and leap wholeheartedly, believing unequivocally that this process will work. Is it reasonable to be afraid, and does being afraid mean that it will fail? Ah, the superstitious workings of an infertile's brain. I tell ya."


This is where I am in my "infertile brain".  I have become accustomed to not having things work out in the infertile world I live in, so I am getting a little nervous that I my heart might be crushed through adoption.  I know I should be positive and I am, but my track record makes me a little skittish at times.  I am still hesitant to buy anything.  I am still hesitant to tell hardly anyone.  A few people when they hear the news have excitedly said I need to have a baby shower, but I don't want to have a baby shower until after the baby comes.  I wish I could just let my fears go, but frankly I am terrified.  


What do I fear?  I fear my heart will be broken.  I fear all the incessant questions people will ask about the adoption. I fear the questions that would come if things did fall through.  I fear I will have wasted all this time being afraid when I could've been celebrating.  I just feel like a deer in the headlights paralyzed and hoping the car won't crash into me.


So, I guess I need to answer the questions Augusta posed. 
I think I must leave the safe platform of my fears.  


I think of when pools used to have super duper high diving boards.  Every summer I would go to the pool w/my siblings and we would jump off the diving boards.  The high one was so scary though.  I would usually have enough courage to do it once or twice a summer.  It would be so scary and I dreaded walking up the stairs to the diving board.  But once I was at the top, fear and all, I needed to jump.  I wouldn't dream of going back down the stairs with everyone staring at me wimping out.   I don't know that I ever leaped off the diving board.  I think I merely walked off hoping I would make it to the bottom alive.  When I hit the water and realized I had survived, I would feel relieved.  Proud of myself for doing it, but I never really enjoyed it.  


So, I guess that is my answer.  Maybe this whole process is like going off that super duper high diving board.  It must be done.  Maybe now I am older and wiser to be able to leap or jump off the board with more confidence that I will make it as scary as it might be.  And who knows, maybe I will enjoy it a bit.  But I do think it is reasonable to be afraid.  Just as every year going off that diving board was just as scary as it had been the previous year.  But even though I was afraid, every year, I survived.  


So, I would have to say no, being afraid does not mean failure, being afraid means being human, infertile or not. 


Will I let my fear get the best of me and send me back down the stairs afraid to go off the diving board?  No, not a chance.  I am infertile but who cares?  I am adopting a beautiful baby in a few weeks.  I will try not to let fear rob me of this excitement.   


I am going to jump in the pool.
SPLASH!
Come join me.  Let's have a pool party.

I Tried and I Succeeded

I had a great time today at the triathlon.  I didn't sink.  I didn't crash on my bike. and I didn't need to crawl over the finish line.  

Here are some pictures from the day.  My hubby did a great job cheering me on and documenting my race.  It was just a fun day.  Here are pictures of getting marked up, waiting to jump in the pool, (see me waving?) swimming, transitioning from the swim to bike, biking, and then running.  

I was pleased with how I did.  I was a bit hungry and tired afterwards.  I took a 1 1/2 hr nap when I got home.  And then we had a delicious BBQ to top off the day.

Triathlon tomorrow

I am a bit tired and I haven't even started my race.  I am going to hit the hay now and hope I get a little energy for tomorrow.

I am glad race day has arrived as I was getting a little tired of working out  :)

But all kidding aside, I stepped on the scale the other day and was so happy to see that I had finally lost some of that weight I put on during all of my infertility treatments.  Woo Hoo!  My clothes are fitting much better now.

I am also looking forward to going out and about with my newborn baby and having everyone tell me how fabulous I look and have them ask me how I lost all my baby weight.  I will get a good laugh about that.

Dancing Dog

You gotta watch this dog dance the Merengue.  It is hilarious.  This dog should be on Dancing with the Stars.  I would watch the show if she was.  If you do watch this video, be ready, maybe your adoption phone will ring.  That's what happened to me.  I didn't hear it ring because my hubby and I were laughing so hard and the ring must've blended in with the merengue music.  But thankfully, a voice message and a phone number were left.  And at least I heard the phone beep signaling I had a message on it.  It was our birth mother!  It was good to talk to her again.  It was also nice to have a funny story to tell her about how I missed her call because I was watching this video.