Thursday, July 15, 2010

Adoption conversations at work

At work this week, I have told a few coworkers about our plans to adopt.
Each time I had to make a conscious decision to tell them.  Once I made the decision though, it was easier than I thought. Since my exciting "adoption announcement" I have realized that I can set the tone of the conversation when my family plans come up by how I react.

The first conversation this week occurred when a good friend who knows my infertile history told me she had a good story to tell me.  She then proceeded to tell me that someone she knew adopted a child and then shortly thereafter got pregnant.  Another coworker chimed in, "that always happens".  I groaned inwardly and outwardly, and said, "no, that doesn't always happen, but I'm glad it did for this person".    Then my friend said, "I'm not saying you have to adopt to get pregnant, I just wanted to share a happy story with you."  I thanked her, and then said, "well actually, my hubby and I are trying to adopt."  She got so excited and was so happy for me.  I was happy I had shared this exciting news with these 2 coworkers.

The second conversation occurred today.  I was working with some coworkers I don't usually work with and out of the blue one of them asked me, "so when are you going to have kids?"  This question can just make me cringe sometimes.  But today I simply said, "we don't know, but we are trying to adopt, so hopefully soon."  This coworker didn't say anything else, and not another word was said to me about my family plans that day.  That was fine.  I would've been nice if she had said, "cool, I hope it happens soon."  But she didn't and that's okay.  I was glad I had shared my news without feeling awkward.

I guess that might mean I'm making progress--I hope I didn't just jinx myself.


  1. Good for you for sharing your awesome news & being happy with the result no matter how they react. I think if all of us would be more open about our infertility struggles it would make it a less taboo topic & would help to raise awareness in a radical way! So happy for you guys & continuing to pray that you are soon blessed with a precious little one.

  2. Way to go! I'm sorry, but I love that you corrected your friend by saying "no, that doesn't always happen." I know people mean well when they say it, but I think they need to know that people with IF get to hear this assumption a little too much. Now I get "Oh, now that you did IVF you'll probably just get pregnant naturally with your next baby." Like it flips a switch or something? Oh well. But I've never been brave enough to say something like you did.

    I am excited to see what God has in store for you guys down the adoption road!

  3. First of all, let me congratulate you and your husband on deciding to adopt a child. This is wonderful news and I hope that the process is a good one for you and that a child comes to you without delay.

    Secondly, I read about how you responded to colleagues at work with much admiration. I don't know you aside from reading entries in your blog, but in how you responded to your colleagues, you sounded very centered, direct and respectful of both yourself and your colleagues. I hope to get there myself someday and your post has inspired me. I agree that while we cannot change the reality of infertility, we do have choices about how we respond to others.

    Thank you for your wonderful entries.

  4. Good for you for sharing. I'm excited to hear how the adoption route goes for you. You've waited long enough, so I will send you speedy adoption vibes. :)