Today me and my little guy went to the mall to do a bit of shopping and run some errands. At our first stop, we made a detour to go into a children's clothing store because they had a huge sale sign up. And we found some nice clothes all for $2.99 or less. I love a good bargain.
Anyhow, we were standing in line to pay for the items when the lady behind me said, "how old is your baby?" I told her hold old he was, To which she said, "You gave birth to him, and you look that good already?" I replied, "I didn't give birth to him, he's adopted." She was nice and said, something like, "well he is a beautiful boy and has a beautiful mom" and then as I was leaving she said, "you did give birth to him." I didn't really understand that. Because I didn't, and I don't feel like I needed to. Whatever.
At our last stop of the day, my little guy was getting hungry, and he had already eaten all of his food, so we were just stopping super quick in this store and then I was heading home to get him more food. (yes, I will have to bring more next time). But so I was holding him to console him and finish burping him and the lady in front of me in line said, "Woah, you are skinny, how old is that baby?" Before I could respond, she also said, "Is he yours? I mean, maybe you are the mom's sister" I cooly replied, "No, he's mine, I'm his mom." Then she said, "Well, you sure are skinny, some of us have at least 10 lbs we need to lose". I didn't really have anything more to say to her. I didn't feel like telling her that my little bundle of joy was adopted. Then after she left, my little guy was getting a bit fussy and I told the lady checking us out that he was hungry and I needed to hurry home to get him some more food. This lady then said, "you are not...(then she pointed to her breast)?" I said, "nope" and left it at that. Adults say and do the darndest things. Fun times.
I don't feel the need to explain everything to everyone. I am sure I learned that through my years of infertility. I do enjoy it when people tell me I look really good when they see how little my baby is. Usually I just smile, say thanks, and enjoy the accolades.
I mostly lurk but thought I would post that it amazes me how people do not think before they talk. I usually assume a lack of knowledge in their part. I am sorry that you experienced this today.....
ReplyDeleteIt is so ridiculous what people say and they probably don't have any intention of being rude. I think people are so wrapped up in their own world that just don't take the time to think about what they are saying. Take it like the compliment it is. Just the fact that you have thrown together a decent outfit and have taken time to do some personal grooming is an accomplishment when you have a new little baby at home.
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm amazed at the things people feel they have the right to say. You handled it really well!
ReplyDeleteOh I LOVE I when people tell me how good I look for having such a small baby! It's a rockin' ego boost! LOL!
ReplyDeleteAlso, you hit the nail on the head when you said, "I don't feel the need to explain everything to everyone." You really don't need to :)
People just cannot keep comments to themselves. UGH. I would have been fuming the rest of the day. I say sorry on her behalf--goodness!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to have compliments for sure and I'm glad that you appreciate them. It must also have been a bit irritating. I might not have been as kind as you were when faced with that kind of intrusiveness. People's boundaries are so not always very well established (I'm being diplomatic here).
ReplyDeleteEnjoy feeling and looking great! I suspect that your natural beauty + your maternal glow = WOW!!
Wow, people are so out of line sometimes! At least the first two were compliments at how fabulous you look:)
ReplyDeleteyou handled yourself so well! some people have no filter...ugh.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Grace that you've handled yourself so well. I admit that this post made me think about what words I've said to other people hmmmhhh...
ReplyDeleteYou went through a lot of pain and labor to get your little guy and I think that's probably what the woman at the store was trying to get at with "you did give birth to him". Sounds like you're handling it all very well. Soak in the compliments, gorgeous, and let the rest of it go.
ReplyDeleteeven though we'd been prepared for it, it took me several months to get used to the thoughtless & instrusive comments people make about our family. i'm sure most of these people mean well and just don't think before they speak, but it can still be frustrating.
ReplyDeletesounds like you're on the right track - it took me a long time to realize that i didn't need to explain our family to anybody.
People do say the darndest things. I like to think that they are usually well intentioned, but still! it's almost like you need a little arsenal of responses that you can respond with depending on the comment. Something that leaves them thinking, and shuts them up! Calling him your little miracle, or saying that you waited a long time for him, or that families don't always look like what you'd expect.
ReplyDeleteWe have a family acquaintance who was asked if her son was adopted, and she bragged about it as the best compliment she could have ever received. I never thought about how inappropriate a comment like that might be until now.
Bottom line is that these things are ultimately no one else's business, and you don't owe anyone an explanation. I am sure that over time, you will find the ways to respond that feel good to you.
Wishing you a happy thanksgiving!
I remember the days, the early days, after adopting my son and then my daughter when I felt all I got were adoption comments. I was (and am) so proud of my family, but I got to the point where I didn't want to have to always talk about adoption. I wanted to be just like all the "other" families. Well, 13 years later I am happy to report that we are--just like all the other families. I forget that my kids are even adopted and it is not a topic that comes up anymore on a day-to-day basis. I have two teenagers and life is consumed by too many other "important" things!! Enjoy!
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