Monday, February 8, 2010

Blanket Drive and Infertility Conversation Stopper

Ok, so a few weeks ago a friend of mine started a blanket/coat drive for some homeless downtown that sleep on the street and won't go in the shelter.  So my hubby and I decided to that we hadn't talked to our neighbors in quite some time and would like to be more social with them.  So we decided to have some treats and invite them to participate in the drive.  (I am not a big party planner person--I think this is actually the first get together with a bunch of people I have ever organized.  I am not very confident in my hosting skills)  But it went well.  I had made a Texas sheet cake and some sugar cookies and they were very tasty.  People came, it was fun to catch up and people seemed genuinely happy that we had asked them to donate their coats and blankets.

And then it happened.  One guy asked another couple that recently moved in on our cul-de-sac, "do you have kids?"  They responded "yes, and their ages are blah blah blah."  Then the guy asked us,  (we have lived in our home for 5 yrs) "Hey when are you guys having kids?"  Just because he has a mouth, does that mean he has to use it to ask that question?  Obviously we don't have any now.  And we will have them when we have them.  So I tried to side step the question.  I said things like, "don't know, maybe there are some in the dishwasher there, wanna take a look."  Then my hubby, my sweet, dear, I love him, husband, said, "We want kids, but we're infertile."

Yeah.  Thanks.  I was mortified.  And then I got to hear all the lovely suggestions as to how to obtain a lovely child, since they were obviously experts having obtained some.  Here they were again as a refresher for all of us.  Maybe we should try some of them.  Uh, thanks, but no thanks.

  1. Buy a 2 seater car (that was actually a new one for me)
  2. Adopt a kid.  Followed by several people chiming in that they knew several people that that had happened to before--who had adopted only to then become pregnant.
  3. Buy something really expensive
  4. Buy a cute outfit, and then you'll be bummed that you can't fit into it.  
  5. Followed by some 30 yr old saying, "yeah, I think my elementary school teacher had that problem"
Oh it was terrible.  

I think guys just view this infertility thing differently.  It is not as emotional maybe for them.  I don't know. I know it's hard for my hubby too.  But he just deals with it differently.  I really don't have too much of a problem talking about it, but I didn't expect it to just be presented out in the open like that to our neighbors.  I am more of a one on one person, and actually quite private.  I guess not anymore now that I have a blog.

Deep breath.

I kept it together, the party broke up shortly after that.  
We got a lot of blankets and coats which was very nice and generous of my neighbors.  And they are all very nice people.  Unaware of the plight of infertile people, but very nice people nonetheless.  

Then we went to over to my friend who had spearheaded this project and had a great time talking with her.  She is so funny and that was enjoyable.  So all in all, a good day.  Ended on a good note. It was memorable, that's for sure.  


  1. I am actually waiting for my husband to do that very same thing. We are pretty much "closet infertiles" and there have been MANY moments where he has started to say something and covered his tracks. I am sure the day will come, and like your conversation, I am SURE it will be littered with ideas on way to become successfully make a baby. Oh, the minds of fertile people.... changing the world, one two-seater at a time!

  2. I actually laughed at the suggestions. It is amazing what people will say when they dont know anything about the situation we are in. Dont you just wish it could be that easy. My favorite was the 2 seater! LOL

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  4. Hi, just found your blog and I'm so sorry about your neighbor's insensitivity. I hate that people feel like they have to offer advice like you're an idiot. The worst part about those comments is that when you go through infertility you know a whole lot more about what it takes to conceive than those morons.

  5. Oh my gosh- I love those answers...the two seater car- so THAT'S what I have been missing! If only we knew that sooner! Sheesh! I am so sorry that you had to deal with them and no, men do not understand! My husband has gotten to the point where he tells people he hates kids, because at that point I laugh instead of cry (really, what can you say to that?). Hugs to you, and don't forget to stop and get a cute outfit and/or couple of kids while you are out running errands this weekend!

  6. We were at a Christmas party last year when an old lady started making a big deal about the fact that we have been married for over six years and still didn't have kids. She kept prodding and prodding so my husband let her have it, with the " we want them, but we're infertile" deal, and she came back with " Have you tried doing it with her legs up in the air?"...

    People are nuts.

    I'm sorry to hear your neighbors were a little less than tactful, even though they probably meant well. At least their nonsense gives us good writing material, huh?


  7. Nothing is worse than that. My favorite advice was to go into debt and get drunk. If you have never watched the short video called My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE, it will probably cheer you.