My day had it's ups and downs.
Work was crazy busy. Exhausting, funny, and disturbing all at the same time.
Just let me ask a few things of any of you that end up getting pregnant and having your babies in the hospital. Please remember that you are in a hospital, not a hotel! Please remember that nurses and techs and a whole host of other people are marching in and out of your room. And while nurses have seen everything, that doesn't mean we want to. We don't want to see you snuggling in the little hospital bed. And while we are already in your room, we certainly don't want to see out of our peripheral vision the dad walk out of your bathroom in just his undies and calmly proceed to put his pants on--he should run right back into the bathroom until we leave. Yikes! TMI you say? yeah well, I thought it was a bit TMTS (too much to see)
Came home, ate some award winning chili and then vegged out watching a bit of America's Funniest Home Videos. That never gets old. People do the funniest things. We had some good laughs watching that.
Then my hubby and I took a little time to read the Bible together tonight. We happened to read in Luke 18: 1-8. I used to love this parable about praying always and not fainting. The parable talks about a judge in the city who got tired of a widow who kept asking him to avenge her adversary. In the end he granted her request just to make her go away and stop bothering him. I had read these scriptures during my infertility treatments and figured I could also "weary the Lord" until He granted me the desires of my heart simply because He was tired of my pestering Him with this request. Sometimes the scriptures make it sound so simple: "ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be granted unto you". Reading these scriptures tonight brought me back to that time when I tried to weary the Lord with my request for a child, but came up empty handed. As I remembered this, my faith faltered and I felt sad. My husband, tried to remind me that we don't know God's timing. This is true, but still hard to accept sometimes.
My husband has been practicing the blues on his guitar, so of course he proceeded to play some to try to cheer me up. He sang an Eric Clapton song about being confused and angry. I told him, that wasn't really helping. So he switched to another song. One thing I love about when he plays is that he likes to change the words of the songs. He started playing the John Maier song "Waiting on the world to change". Then he added lyrics about things that happened this the week such as, "waiting for the carpets to be cleaned" and I don't remember what else. But it was funny and did the trick.
I know everything will work out, it always does. It's just hard to remember that sometimes. In the meantime I'll just try to make the best of it. A phrase that sometimes helps me just came to mind--I can do hard things. I'm pretty sure infertility qualifies as a "hard thing". If that's the case, then I can get through this. At least I hope so.