Found Some Joy

I was still a bit sad and mopey in the morning and my plans for this afternoon had fallen through.  Then I remembered that there was also a baby shower going on today.  Which made me a little sad again.   I currently know 7 people that are pregnant right now and I've been able to be happy for them, but not so much today.  Two days ago I had the best time shopping for all of their baby shower presents and thought I had been cured.  I found a sweet 75% sale rack with the cutest clothes and went to town.  But today infertilitis struck again and I felt sick to my stomach with the thought of walking past a row of bellies.

I wanted to go to the shower because I wanted to be able to do a hard thing and find joy.  I didn't want to be a "sour grapes" person.  It's not their fault I'm infertile.  Even though nobody was expecting me to be there, I knew I could now go, and I felt that I really should.  My husband encouraged me to go.  He said, "get out there and find joy now.  Isn't that what you're blogging about?"  He is really ridiculous sometimes, aggravating, but ridiculous nonetheless.  So I went, and am happy to report that I did "find joy now".

The first 5 minutes was the hardest.  I walked in and almost walked right back out.  I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.  The Sesame Street song, "one of these things is not like the other" came to mind.  The infertile one had arrived.  But I forced myself to mosey on over to the food table.  Then I side stepped the ladies that were talking to one of the 4 other pregnant ladies there about the highs and lows of maternity clothes and thankfully found a friend to talk to.  Then everything was good.  I talked to a few friends, had a few laughs and enjoyed myself.  I was proud of myself for going and getting through it.  Now it will be left to be seen if I ever attempt that feat again.