You bet I was.

This is my answer to the question asked of me by Jonelle on my previous post: Was I nervous about meeting the birth parents?  Oh yes.  Most definitely.

But there was no getting around it.  I needed to meet the birth parents, they needed to meet me, and that was that.  I figured we had a few things going for us, they had chosen us, so that meant they already liked us.  I liked them already since they had chosen us, so we already had a few things in common :)

All kidding aside, I wasn't too terribly nervous.  Sure, a little, but I knew I could carry a conversation with them, and we would just go in and meet them and be ourselves.  On the drive over to meet them I was a little nervous because I was afraid we would get there too early.  The social worker had told us not to be early because she was going to be meeting with them prior to our arrival.  So that gave me something else to worry about.  But I had read on some silly yahoo article that week about different foods that relieve stress.  One of those foods was almonds.  And I love eating almonds and cranberries as a little snack.  Also, I always need to eat frequently or I get headaches, so I had packed this snack along with me that weekend.

So on the drive, I was getting a little headache and a little stressed so I popped open my tupperware of almonds and cranberries and it did the trick.  :)

Ok, that wasn't the only thing that helped.  I also thought of all of you, my bloggy and IRL friends.  I thought of Rebecca and Annie's comments saying, "how could the birthparents not love me?"  I thought of Augusta and how when she went to her stressful appt w/ her RE she thought of all of us cheering her on.  So I thought of all of you.  I knew you would be rooting for me and telling me everything would work out.  Thinking of all of you helped.  A lot.  So thank you for all that you do.

Then, last but not least, I was with my dear sweet, hilarious, hubby.  I have never met anyone who doesn't like him.  He is so kind and helps people feel good about who they are.  He is also so funny.  So with him there, I knew things would work out.  And they did.

Meeting the Birth Parents

Over the weekend my hubby and I were able to meet the birth parents (or expectant parents) who have chosen our profile and are placing their baby with us for adoption.

Our meeting with them went well.  They are really nice and good people.  They are also very sincere and I could tell how much they love their child.  We conveyed to them our respect and admiration for them in making this difficult decision.  And we also expressed the love and gratitude we have for them in choosing us to be their child's adoptive parents.  It is humbling to have been chosen by them.  As I read over and continue to stumble over my words as I type, I realize I can't seem to adequately describe my feelings for them.

In essence, they are doing something for us that we cannot do for ourselves.  They will be placing a beautiful child in our arms to care for and to be a part of our family, and I will be forever grateful to them for this.

Stanley's Photo Shoot

With my new photo gear: (Backdrop stand w/ seamless paper); and some photo props I have been collecting: (blankets, vintage scale, and baskets), it was time to take some photos of my model Stanley.  Some people have kids they practice on, I have stuffed monkeys.

Stanley was very accommodating and smiled the whole time.  I wouldn't have minded getting some sleepy or eyes closed shots, but he insisted on grinning the entire time.

Here are some of the shots I took.  I think they turned out quite nice.

Weighing in at 3 oz, it's Stanley!

What to do?

I feel like a kid in a candy shop right now.

I got some photography equipment in the mail today.  I am trying to give my photography hobby more of a go and I bought a some more knickknacks to help me in that quest.

And I got the last Hunger Games book: Mockingjay from the library.  I am so excited to read it!

Do I read or do I do photos?  I love having fun dilemmas like this.  My plans to clean the house have been thrown out the window that's for sure.

I think I will take some photos, if I start reading now, nothing will get done.  And I have too much going on right now to do that.  I hope I can resist picking the book up, it's gonna be hard now.

Rambling Thoughts

What to write?

That’s the question.

Do I write about how I have been looking at how I want to decorate the nursery or how I have been cleaning out my house to make room for the arrival of the newest member of our family?  And how I am trying to figure out what and if I should buy stuff now, or wait until after everything is finalized.  And how I want to decorate a nursery now, but I am a little nervous about what happens if things fall through.  If things fall through will I look back and say I jinxed myself by doing all this stuff?

Do I write about how I am nervous and excited about meeting our baby’s birthparents?  How I hope they like me, and how I hope they can know and feel how much I respect, admire, and appreciate them. 

Or do I just write about how I am glad I have this triathlon to keep me a little distracted?  And how I bought a funky tri shirt and tri short outfit yesterday and worked out in them today.  And how I swam, biked, and ran for my workout today and how I am feeling a little more confident in my ability to cross the finish line on race day.

I just don’t know what to focus on, so I guess that’s what you get, a little smidge of everything today. 

Wordless Wednesday: My cute little niece

This little niece of mine is so funny.  I just love hanging out with her.  The last time I saw her she wanted to have a dance party in her room.  So we cranked up the music and danced like crazy.  We had a blast.  It is one of those memories that will stick with me forever.  I wish I had my video camera with me that day.

I called her on the phone this week to say hello.  At first she didn't know who it was, but once she figured it out, she just started chatting away about her life.  She is so cute and this picture of her always make me smile.

A morning run

with a friend, followed by a bike ride brought me joy as well as exhaustion early this morning.  It was fun to run with my friend and chat a bit before we got too tired to talk.  Then when I finished up my run it was still pretty early, (we ran at 5:20), so I decided to go for a bike ride.  It was such a pretty and peaceful ride.  I saw the sun coming up through the clouds as I rode.

Overkill?

Probably, but the only reason I did it was because I am going to be doing a triathlon on Labor Day.  And I am starting to realize how quickly that will be coming up.  I am also realizing how difficult it will be.  Thankfully it is what is called a Sprint Triathlon, although, I will most definitely not be sprinting it.  I will be working on starting and finishing it.  :)  I will have to do a 300 m swim, 15 mile bike ride, and a 3.1 mile run.  Yikes, I am starting to sweat again just thinking about it.

I am excited about it though.  I have always wanted to do one.  It has been on my bucket list for several years, but I have always come up with reason as to why I couldn't do it at the time.  So when I saw that this one worked into my schedule, and I had been working out fairly regularly, I knew I had to give it a go.

Another phone call

Last Thursday, I was at work and for awhile now I have been stressing about what to do if my adoption phone rang at work.  I work 12 hr shifts at a hospital and we aren’t supposed to have our cell phones out.   We all carry our phones in our pockets or have them available in case someone needs us or we need to use them on break.  Well, that is fine and all, but I was getting nervous that I would miss when the adoption phone rang and then, because obviously I would pick it up when it rang, who cares if I got in trouble.  But I figured it would be better just to tell my mgr so she would be ok with it if it did.  So, anyhow, my manager was fine with that.  So I put my normal cellphone in my locker and replaced it with the adoption phone.  (They are both Blackberry smartphones, so they are too big and bulky for me to be carrying both of them around along with all the other stuff I jam in my pockets so I can work during the day.)   With the adoption phone in my pocket I went on my merry way.  Well, not even 2 hrs later it rang.  And it was loud.  I was fumbling in my pocket, trying to grab it in time.  I answered and said, “Hello.”  There was no response.  I said “Hello” again.  Then, an automated telemarketing thing came on the phone.  I immediately hung up.  I was so mad.  I thought, “How did they get my number?”  It was crazy.  I just started laughing.  I also thought, “Are you kidding me?”  Some stupid telemarketers have my number, now I will have to run and answer this phone a million times only to have it be a telemarketer.  I wasn’t going to stand for that.  I immediately put the phone number on the “do not call” list, and so hopefully that should do the trick.   

Well, I went about my day, and no other phone calls came in on that line.  At the end of the day I went to my locker to grab my stuff to go home.  I looked at my normal cellphone and saw that I had received a call from our adoption social worker.  I thought: “Dang it, how did I miss this call?”  The voice mail he left was short, sweet, and boring.  Which didn’t help at all.  The office was closed, so I couldn’t call him back.  I just could not believe it.  I had carried the wrong phone all day.  

I got home, and decided to see if our social worker had left me an email that might give me a little more information about why he had called.   He did.  Want to know what it said?

Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow. 

Just kidding!

Drum roll please...

He said our profile has been chosen! 

and

We will be adopting a baby boy in October!

Can you believe it?  It is so awesome.  We are so excited.  

I have been overcome with such happiness and joy.    

Now the disclaimer my husband requested I write, even though I told him you all know this.  He wants you to know it's not for sure.  The birthparents can change their mind at any time until papers are officially signed.  

I know the bottom can drop out at any moment in this process, but I am not going to let that spoil my excitement.  If it drops it drops.  And then I'll be sad.  My husband is also super happy too, I am not try to say he isn't.  This is can be scary and emotional process.   But I am going to throw caution to the wind and be happy and celebrate this exciting news.  

We haven't met the birthparents yet, but hopefully we will soon.  I am a little nervous about that.  I just went and got my hair cut and dyed so when we do I will look presentable.  

My mind has been racing a mile a minute since we heard the news.  There is so much I want to remember about these first few days of complete joy.  It has been so fun to call and tell people from close friends and family to random people like my hairdresser about our news.  And I am so glad I could share this exciting news with all of you as well.   

For those of you that are not in a happy place in this adoption/loss/infertility world, my heart goes out to you.  I know how difficult it can be to hear someone else's glowing report of how wonderful life is for them as they get ready to welcome a baby into their home.  Please know that I am aware of you and hope that you can find peace and that your hopes of bringing children into your home will be realized soon.  

A great day

That's what it was.

I will go to sleep smiling tonight.

Wordless Wednesday: My brother

I am so excited!  My brother said he is coming to visit me sometime soon!  

He is one of my favorite people in the whole world.  

Wonder what we are doing in these pictures?  We are "blind dancing" and celebrating at my wedding.  When you feel like dancing and don't have a partner, just go to the mini blinds and use the blind string.  It is so fun, and pretty hilarious.   

I think I might just do it now.  I am celebrating with this wonderful news that my brother is coming to town.  Join me, crank up some music and get down.  

I'm back:  just rocked out to "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas.  I love the line "jump off that sofa".  And yes, I jumped off the sofa.  It was like a regular dance party in here.

Super fun!

Good Friends

Bring me Joy.

I am so grateful to have some dear friends in my life.  I will be forever grateful to those that have listened to me as I have related the highs and lows of my life and hep me feel good about who I am.  They make me want to be a better person and friend.  They bring laughter and joy into my life.  To those who are my dear friends, both online and off, thank you.

What to do when the Adoption Phone Rings?!?

Freak out?

Yes

Stress about it?

Yes

Use reverse phone number look up a million times trying to find out more information than what I just got?

Yes

The first time the phone rang is actually a pretty funny story.  It happened a few weeks ago at 2 in the morning.  But I didn't realize it had rung until that morning, or so I thought.  My hubby said when it rang in the middle of the night I was mad at him and kept saying, "What is that noise? and Make it stop".  I had no idea it happened.  My explanation was that the phone we have dedicated to our adoption info is one of his old phones and still has his ring on it.  So I must've thought his phone was ringing.  I live with my normal phone on silent, but obviously, I never turn our adoption phone off.  The morning I realized it had rung I of course did a white pages reverse phone number look up, and then stewed about whether or not I should call the number back.  I decided the person must've dialed the wrong number, and even if not I didn't want to call the number back, because who knows who might answer.  And then what would I say?  I had no good answer and decided if a birth parent wanted to talk to me they would call me, but I wouldn't call a back a random number if this person didn't care to leave a voice message.  And then I lectured my husband about the importance of answering the phone when it rings no matter what time it is.  LOL

The second time it rang I missed it too.  That time it was at 9 am.  I don't know how I missed it, but I did.   I have no idea what I was doing.  All I know is that I didn't hear it and I might've blown it again.  I followed my same pattern--obsessed over the reverse phone number feature on the internet and then wished and hoped and prayed this person would call me back.  No such luck.

I know this phone is not supposed to ring off the hook, but when it does ring, I wish I would be around to answer it.  I hope when a birth parent calls he or she will be brave enough to leave a voice message for us.

How does this post help me find joy?  Because I can laugh about these experiences even while wishing they had turned out differently.  And I am still trying to wait patiently for the phone to ring again.   And because it helps me know that the phone does work and that at least 2 people have called it.

Third time's the charm.

Dear adoption phone,

Please ring again, pretty please.  I promise I'll answer it next time. 

Yours truly,

jrs

Wordless Wednesday: My hubby

Here is one of my favorite pictures of my husband with my stuffed monkey Homer.  My hubby is such a good sport and easy going.  And he puts up with my obsession for my stuffed monkeys.  This picture was taken years ago at one of our niece's soccer games.  This is from when we lived in CA and I was into the baseball team: The Angels, mostly because they had rally monkeys like Homer.  My hubby is the best, he brings so much joy into my life.

Swimming in Joy

This weekend I had family in town.  One day we went to the pool and had a good ole time swimming, splashing, and playing games.  We played keep away with tennis balls and capture the flag (actually capture the pool noodle).  I narrowly saved my husband's iPhone from a watery grave when one of my little nephews casually picked it up off the table and started meandering his way into the pool.  You gotta watch him and his brothers like a hawk.  I relaxed by the pool reading mindless celebrity magazines.

I had a great time and it was fun to relax, eat yummy food, and laugh with people I love.

Finding Joy through Service

A few weeks ago I was asked by the ladies group at my church to be in charge of planning an activity at a children's center that serves emotionally disturbed children many of whom have been removed from their homes due to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.   I was asked to help a group of boys ages 5-8.

I decided to plan an obstacle course.  Something to keep them busy and have fun.  It has been a lot of work, but I am getting excited about it.

Here is a list of the things they will be doing:
--hop through hula hoops
--crawl under a table without letting the hanging balloons touch them
--trace their hand or foot
--do jumping jacks to the bean bag toss
--balance a tennis ball on a spoon to the kiddie pool
--dig through the balloons in the kiddie pool filled with balloons to find a prize  (the prize is a pair of funny plastic glasses)
--do the balloon waddle to a designated area
--hackey sack balloon
--waddle with the balloon to the finish line
--then sit and pop the balloon

Then if we still have extra time we will play "clear the room" with balloons where the kids are divided up and they try to get all of the balloons of their side and onto the other kids' side before time runs out.  And then we will just mess around with the balloons until time runs out.  Because I think I bought a few too many balloons.  But I guess it is always better to have too many than too few.

I think it will be fun.

Wordless Wednesday: Who needs a truck?

When you can ride a motorcycle?

This is my hubby and me on our honeymoon.  One fun thing we like to do when we travel is ride around on a scooter to see the area.  It can be a bit frightening especially the times when we have driven on the left side.  But so far we have survived.

In case you are wondering, this is not the picture I sent to my nephew yesterday, it's not that funny, but if you click on the following link, you will see the pictures I sent.  I had received the pictures in an email, but they are not mine and I don't have the copyrighted info or permission to post them, but if you go to this link you can see them.  They are pretty funny.  They show people and their items loaded to the max on motorcycles.

http://patti.vox.com/library/photos/tags/who+needs+a+truck/

Making a List

The last 2 days I have taken time to write down moments when I have felt joy or when I have felt God's love.

Here is what made the list

1. Doing yoga outside today while the moon was still shining over me.  That was a peaceful feeling.

2. Yesterday as I was making my list about what had gone right that day.  And again now as I write this list.  (Which I almost didn't do because I couldn't think of anything noteworthy for today)

3. Sunday when I listened to the people that shared and spoke in church.     

4.  Listening to a book on tape in my car.
5.  I sent a fun birthday email to my nephew, and it made me laugh.  I bet it will make you laugh too.  Maybe I will post it tomorrow for Wordless Wednesday so I can have another laugh then. 

Not to shabby I suppose.

And I thought I wouldn't be able to come up with anything.  And there is still plenty of time in the day to come up with some more things. 

Refocusing

I have been thinking about the title of my blog and what my purpose in blogging was:  to find joy and to record it.  I feel I have wandered a bit from this purpose and lately I have been struggling find joy in this journey.  So I am going to try harder to find joy in my day to day life, and will make a more concerted effort to record it and therefore recognize and feel joy in my life.

Today at church I felt that God was aware of me.  This brought me some hope and peace.

I heard some good quotes from the talk: Broken Things to Mend by Elder Holland:

"To all such I offer the surest and sweetest remedy that I know. It is found in the clarion call the Savior of the world Himself gave. He said it in the beginning of His ministry, and He said it in the end. He said it to believers, and He said it to those who were not so sure. He said to everyone, whatever their personal problems might be:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."2  . . . He is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls." . . . the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair.14 From the beginning, trust in such help was to give us both a reason and a way to improve, an incentive to lay down our burdens and take up our salvation. There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life. Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds a strength, as the hymn says, "beyond [his] own."15 The Savior reminds us that He has "graven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands."16 Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, "Come unto me," He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way.”

That's all for now.