Coming out of Retirement

I'm back!!  Did you miss me?  

I kindof feel like Michael Jordan or Brett Farve.  Announcing my retirement from blogging, only to immediately have a change of heart.  Granted, my return to blogging will not get nearly as much press as the previously mentioned sports stars did, but nevertheless I am glad to be back.

Why the exit?

Why the return?

Brevity in blogging has never been my strong suit, but I will try to do my best.

I stopped blogging because…

            -I didn’t want to throw salt in anyone’s wounds here in the IF world as I gushed about my good fortune of becoming a mother and how much I love it.

            -I'm kind of a private person and keep a lot to myself.  Therefore, it has always seemed a little strange to think that anyone—even acquaintances (it took me about 5 minutes to spell that word correctly) or one of the handful of people that leave a bad taste in my mouth could read my blog and know all about me without my knowing about it.  And now that I have a child, the internet and cyberspace seem even bigger, thus adding to my reluctance to share very much.
           -Also, very few people IRL know about this blog, and I have worried that if people I know IRL stumble upon my blog, they might be hurt that I didn't tell them about it.  To which I reply, I meant no harm, this is just a place where I ramble.  Now that you have found me, you are welcome to stay.  

I had decided to return because…

            -I like you guys

            -Recent blog posts have helped me to see that maybe I still have some words of wisdom and wit that I can write that might help new moms, experienced moms, those still struggling to build their families, or those just struggling with other difficulties that come our way in life. 

            -I don’t want the vastness and unknown part of cyberspace to negatively affect my desires to reach out and befriend those of you with whom I can only do so thanks to the amazing technology of the internet.

To there you have it.  I’m back.  Don’t know how often I will write, or how often I will be able to read your blogs, (I have a wild and wiggly toddler at the moment, who every time I am on the computer feels compelled to get me off of it.  And I am glad he does, because spending time with him is so much more rewarding then pinning crafts and cleaning tips on virtual boards, only to never do them.  Guilty)

I try to write in my journal every other night.  I write “one line a day”, but it often is more than one line.  Also, I do it on my i.Phone, so those lines are quite short, thus I write about 20 lines a day.  I started doing it a few months ago, because it seemed like El Guapo was doing so many fun and exciting things, and while I was sure I would never forget them, I would hate to be wrong and not have a backup plan.  And I never quite got around to putting the pen to the paper, or sitting at the computer and writing.  So writing on my phone works pretty well for me.  Anyhow, since I didn’t do it tonight, I will share with you some of my favorite and memorable moments from today.

Went to the park twice.  Lucky guy, lucky me.  Seriously, the weather was amazing, felt like I was on a tropical vacation with a  nice breeze.  I could imagine the ocean lapping on the beach and the palm trees swaying.  Loved it.  Anyhow, (see it is much longer than “one line”), El Guapo knows some sign language – more and please are his favorites.  Mine too; he is so cute when he does them.  :D Maybe I will share a video of him doing it.  Anyhow, so he did it today while on the teeter totter. He does it so fast and it just makes me laugh. 

Traumatizing moment of the day.  I ran over a squirrel.  I was so traumatized, I had just run over a squirrel--eww.  It darted out so fast, I didn’t have a chance to avoid it.  I heard and felt the car crunch and thump over it and then while I was freaking out, I looked out the rear view window and saw the squirrel twitching as I drove away.  Bleh.  I felt terrible.  Meanwhile I had just called my hubby on the phone and he picked up while I was freaking out—he was sure confused.  That was the first and hopefully last time I contribute to the road kill on the streets.  Just thinking about it makes me get all squirmy. 

At times El Guapo tries my patience (as I am sure I try his).  He is a very determined little boy.  He knows what he wants, and like most of us, he likes to get his way.  Problem is, he can’t, and he doesn’t like that very much.  So he threw a few tantrums today, (wanted to play in the sink full of water, but I got tired of holding him and it was nap time, hates diaper changes, wants to eat everything in sight, doesn’t want to wear his bib when he eats , etc. (but when he rips it off before realizing there is more yummy food he wants, it is hilarious to watch him try to shove it back under his neck—makes me laugh every time).  I was feeling exhausted and beat, but after a second trip to the park on this fabulous breezy day and watching my hubby feed El Guapo (via crazy airplane mode) I was feeling better.   Papa went to a meeting after dinner, and El Guapo and I had a great time playing hide and go seek, reading books, chasing each other, and running around.  A great end to a great day.

On that note, I will end this rambling very long post.  

My monkey

Last week I took my little monkey to a trunk or treat.  As you can see, he had a fabulous time.  He is such a joy to have in my life.  I am thinking of all of you who are still yearning for children.  I know holidays can be so hard when all you want is to be able to share them with a little one.

Birthday Boy

El Guapo is 1 yr old!  We had a good time celebrating with a few friends--we all enjoyed watching El Guapo eat his cupcake.  I will let the pictures tell the story.  He also liked his presents--trucks, balls, monkey costume, etc.

the cupcakes

the cake

El Guapo is ready to get that cupcake

Down the hatch

Yum, this is good.

Ice cream too?  Yippee

My chocolately boy

Enjoying his new truck

In his monkey costume

That's all folks.  

"He could be your son"

"Well that's good, because he is."

The more I have thought about this recent conversation I had with an acquaintance of mine, the more I have mixed emotions about it.

I feel bad about it.  I also feel a little frustrated and tired of the "he looks just like you" comment.  And I just wish this innocent conversation and comment had gone better.

El Guapo was in his stroller, and when Jen* (not her real name, there are a million zillion Jen's out there, so  I figured that was a good name to use) came up to say hello.  And don't get me wrong, this is a really nice person, and I don't want her to feel bad if she ever somehow came across this post.  Anyhow, so she said hi to El Guapo and asked how he was doing.  I told her that he was almost walking, and we were doing good.  Then she said, "I can't believe how much he looks like you, he could be your son."

Side note--for some reason, I have never really understood this comment.  And I get it a lot.  Because, yes, El Guapo and I do have the similar skin color, and we both have dark eyes and dark hair.  But that's where our similarities stop.  And that is perfectly fine with me.  I don't know when people say this if they are trying to make me feel better about adoption--to which I feel perfectly fine and great about adoption and having a child that looks different than me.  Or is this just one of the first thing that pops into people's head when they don't know how to respond to the fact that you have a child who happens to be adopted.  I don't know.

I always just say, yeah, he does look a little like me, but not so much like his dad.  (my hubby is pretty fair skinned).   And then I usually say, that he actually looks a lot like his birth parents--which he does.  I really don't think he looks at all like me.  And why would he?

Anyhow.  After Jen told me that El Guapo could be mine son, I replied as stated above, that, actually, he was my son.  I didn't mean anything by it, and I think it was just a knee jerk reaction and that I responded that way b/c she said he could be my son.  She felt really bad, and started apologizing profusely and saying, "Of course he's your son", and "I am so sorry".   I told her not to worry about it, and that I didn't mean to make her feel bad.  And I meant it.  I told her the same stuff about how he doesn't look like my hubby and that I was just joking (b/c I was actually joking and laughing when I told her that it was good he could be my son, b/c he was my son).

This is quite a long ramble.  But I just felt like writing about it.  I will just leave the conversation where it is and hopefully when I run into Jen again, she won't feel awkward--but I think she might.  "sigh"

Getting close

El Guapo is almost 1 year old.  I am excited to celebrate this special day with him.  This year has flown by and has been so fun.  It is amazing how much a little baby changes and grows in one year.  El Guapo has such a fun personality and is a joy to be around.  He makes friends where ever we go, and gives the best hugs and smiles.

I am not a very good party planner, so I am a little nervous about that.  I think we will just do something ultra small w/ a few friends and family.  We also have a small house so it doesn't lend itself to big groups and lots of kids.  But I think having a small get together is more my speed anyway.

I really want to make a cute cake, I have been looking on the internet for ideas, and have seen some cute ones.  Here is a link to one site that has some fun ones.  http://www.parenting.com/node/122102  Of course, I like the monkey one.   But I also like the football and dump truck ones.  I just want to make them all  :)  Good thing, there will be many more birthdays to come.  


And now some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Pregnant ladies at the pool playdate

* I will also refer to "my little guy" as "El Guapo"  (Handsome)

Last week I took El Guapo to the pool for a little playdate with some other families that go to our church.  A lot of people are out of town because it is so hot here, so only 3 other ladies were there with their kids.  It just so happened that all of them are very pregnant. 

Well, one of the ladies had just moved into the area, so we were talking and getting to know one another.  She asked about El Guapo, including how old he was, and when his birthday would be.  I told her it was in the fall.  She then told me that she was due with her 2nd baby in the fall.  She proceeded to tell me, how she was already so hot and didn't know how she would make it through this hot summer being pregnant.  Then, the best part was, she said, "but you know how that is, if your baby was born in the fall."  

Ha ha ha.  I just laughed and said, "Actually, I don't"  :)  And I told her that my husband and I had adopted El Guapo.  

It was pretty funny.  I got a good laugh over it.  

We then talked a little about the adoption, and enjoyed the rest of our pool time.