Read-a-saurus

I love to read.   Unfortunately, once I start reading a book I have a hard time putting it down.  So I am always very selective on what I choose to read and when I read.  I had a bit of time this last weekend so I picked up the book:  Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult.  It was great.  I have read a few of her other books: Plain Truth and My Sister's Keeper which were also outstanding.

If you have read My Sister's Keeper, this book was similar to it, but also different.  The book was about a girl who was born with a genetic disorder which causes stress to a mom and the family.  Everyone is affected by this child's medical problem.  The mom had been trying to conceive for awhile and was just about to start infertility treatments when she became pregnant.  Now years later she is dealing with the stress of her child's illness and she wonders whether or not she wishes her child had ever been born.  A court case occurs and one of the lawyers is adopted and is currently searching for her birth mother.  She grapples with her insecurities and questions about whether or not she should contact her birth mother and why her birth mother might have chosen to place her for adoption.  Picoult brought up a lot of real life issues that people deal with and beautifully weaved them into this novel.

It never ceases to amaze me how often infertility or adoption seems to come up in books or movies.  I don't know if I just didn't notice before or if it really is being talked about more.  Anyhow, I enjoyed this book, and the more insight I can get into the emotions of birth mothers, adopted children, or any other people going through different life experiences the better I can be at helping or understanding them.

Searching for Meaning in Life

Over the last 2-3 wks I have been reading Viktor Frankl’s book: Man’s Search for Meaning.  The following is a good summary written by the Vienna, Austria (AP) on September 3, 1997.  The quoted information was found on this website:  http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/frankl/frankl.html

“Frankl survived the Holocaust, even though he was in four Nazi death camps including Auschwitz from 1942-45, but his parents and other members of his family died in the concentration camps.

During and partly because of his suffering in concentration camps, Frankl developed a revolutionary approach to psychotherapy known as logotherapy.

At the core of his theory is the belief that humanity's primary motivational force is the search for meaning, and the work of the logotherapist centers on helping the patient find personal meaning in life, however dismal the circumstances may be.

Frankl's teachings have been described as the Third Vienna School of Psychotherapy, after that of Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler.

In "Man's Search for Meaning," which has sold approximately nine million copies worldwide and been translated into twenty-three languages. The Library of Congress called the book one of the ten most influential books of the twentieth century. Frankl said: "There is nothing in the world, I venture to say, that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions as the knowledge that there is a meaning in one's life."

According to logotherapy, meaning can be discovered meaning can be discovered by three ways: "(1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering," he wrote.

"We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation," he insisted, a theory he gradually developed as a concentration camp survivor.

"As such, I also bear witness to the unexpected extent to which man is capable of defying and braving even the worst conditions conceivable,"   

The book was very inspiring.  Frankl divides the book into two parts—in the first he writes about “experiences in a concentration camp” and in the second, he writes about “logotherapy in a nutshell”.  And as I read I read the book I was able to make a few connections to the struggle of infertility.  As I share this I am in no way minimizing the suffering the Jews experienced.  I cannot comprehend the suffering the endured at the hands of evil and sadistic people.  And I am in complete awe of how the Jews overcame this terrible cruelty.

That said, as I read I had been feeling down again about infertility and wondering how long I would have to wait for an adoption to occur, and was feeling a bit overwhelmed with this trial.  And while I completely realize that my life is not terrible or hopeless, as I read, I thought that maybe infertility was my “concentration camp” and I wondered if I would survive the emotions and pain of it to arrive at day of liberation when my child would be placed in my arms.  I then had this stream of thoughts and questions: How would I spend my days as I waited for liberation?  And what if I was never liberated?  What then?  Could I rise to the occasion that this suffering had dealt me?  Could I find meaning in other ways?  Could I find meaning in accomplishing other things?  Could I find meaning through experiencing the goodness or life, nature, or people?  And as Frankl said, Could I experience “another human being in his very uniqueness by loving him”?  (man’s search for meaning p. 115)  Could I find meaning in my suffering and change my attitude towards this unavoidable suffering?  Suffering through infertility has taught me so many things, the last thing I want it to teach me is to give up. 

This book helped remind me in whatever way and at whatever time liberation from my suffering comes, I must find meaning during this time of waiting, or else I might not make it to my day of liberation. 

In conclusion, a few thoughts come to mind.  I used to love the phrase: “knowledge is power” until I was heard someone say that unless you act on that knowledge, it is meaningless.  So now that I once again reminded of what I need to do to find meaning in life and manage the pains of infertility, I hope I can act on this knowledge.  

This Lovely Life

This weekend I read the book:  This lovely life: a memoir of premature motherhood.   It opened my eyes to the suffering and grief that can surround families with premature and severely disabled children.  The book also showed how the mother came to love and care for her premature twins conceived after years of fertility treatments while finding forgiveness and embracing her "lovely life".  Born at 24 wks gestation, one twin died just a few days after birth, while the other lived almost 8 yrs with severe disabilities.  This book taught me more about how devastating and life changing the loss of a child, and caring for a child with disabilities can be.  It also taught me how we can rise above these challenges and accept them.

In the book she included this poem written by her friend's grandmother.  The author's friend also had a disabled daughter and they had met during their time in the NICU together.

Ah, lovely life

Come stay yet a while with me

I am a beggar for your errant charms,

although I know your sorrows many be

I try to hold you prisoner in my arms

I'll ever dread to see you go away

Yet you are fickle as the 

restless sea

Your trials are heavy 

let come what may

The thrill of you is ever there

for me. 

Through this book I was reminded that while I don't have a perfect life, I have a lovely one.  This weekend was hard for me emotionally.  I have no idea why, maybe I was hormonal, maybe I was wasn't.  I was just tired of still not having kids.  But kids or no kids, I do have a lovely life and I will make more of an effort to remember that and enjoy the loveliness that it contains.    

Infertility and Loss in Books and Movies

I love to read.  I wish I would take more time out of my life to read, but sometimes it is hard to do.  Because I do not yet have the willpower to put down a book once I get into it.  So I end up not picking the book up in the first place.  But yesterday, I was tired of cleaning the house and I was still feeling a little sick, so I decided to sit outside in the sun and read.  I read the book Sarah's Key, it was very good.  But it seems like this last year that many stories that I read or watch have one of the characters dealing with infertility or loss.

Sarah's Key weaves 2 stories into 1.  One deals with Sarah a ten yr old Jewish girl and takes place in Paris, July 1942, and the other takes place 60 yrs later in the same place as an journalist Julia Jarmond researches what occurred there.   It is interesting to see how Sarah deals with life and loss through her life.  It reminded me that all of us have so many difficulties and trials in life and that they can make or break us depending on how we deal with them.  Then, (not to spoil the story), but Julia has to deal with her past miscarriages and decide what to do when faced with a failing marriage and unexpected pregnancy.

I remember after our last IVF cycle produced a chemical pregnancy I was so sad and devastated.  Whenever I get bad news, the last thing you want to do it go out and about and interact with people.  So we decided to watch the movie Marley and Me.  We thought that would be light hearted and fun.  Well, unfortunately, I was not aware that the reason the couple got the dog Marley was because they were dealing with infertility issues and had a miscarriage.  I remember the huge tears that were rolling out of my eyes when the doctor tried to find the baby's heartbeat.  The exact thing had happened to me just a few hours earlier.  It was terrible. And then of course she got pregnant in Ireland and named her first child Patrick.  How appropriate that St. Patty's day just came and went.  Anyhow, so watching that movie that night was not good timing at all.  But luckily their dog Marley came on the scene and I was able to finish watching the movie.

Here are other movies I have seen that dealt with infertility:

• Julie and Julia.  (Julia Childs was infertile.  I had no idea) It didn't go into detail, just occasionally showed her sad that she couldn't have kids.  I also saw this shortly after the sad results of my IVF. So much for going to a movie to forget your troubles for awhile.  And then I felt lost and confused like the Julie who starts blogging.  (Maybe that's what spurred me on to try my hand at blogging--so maybe it was good I saw the movie after all.  Just wish I had waited a few more weeks to see it)
• UP.  Who knew that a Disney/Pixar movie would have an aninmated couple that had a misscarriage.  It was sad, but poignant.  They were such a cute couple, and when I saw their interactions I hoped that if childlessness was my lot in life, that my marriage could be like theirs.  Pathetic, I know, hoping to pattern my life after that of an animated character.  

Are there any other movies/books that deal with adoption/infertility/loss that one wouldn't know about by seeing the preview or reading the back of the book?

Anyone else had any experiences when seeing/reading ALI (adoption, loss, infertility) movies or books?