Time flies

when you're having fun.

And we have been having a lot of it.

It has been an amaizng 6 months.
  

I just love this little guy.

Poem: Just the Same

My church puts out a monthly magazine called the Ensign, and the April issue arrived the other day.  I was so happy to see an article about infertility in it.  Unfortunately, the electronic version is not up yet, maybe it doesn't go up until April begins.  When I am able to post it for you I will.  But in the meantime, I happened to see a poem in the magazine and as I read it I realized it was about adoption.  I thought it was a beautiful poem, so I thought I would share.

Just the Same

By Diana Lynn Lacey

Sometimes--

God sends rain

Straight from the sky

To nourish the young flower

and it grows.

Sometimes--

God sends rain from the sky 

To the mountaintops,

Then over hills and through valleys 

Until it reaches the flower

and it grows, just the same.

Sometimes--

God sends a child 

Straight from His realm

Into a mother's arms

and love grows.

Sometimes--

God sends a child

From heaven to another's arms,

Then over hills and through valleys

Until he reaches the arms of his mother

and love grows, just the same.  

Open Adoption

When people hear about our adoption a natural question that is asked of us is, "is it open?"  Usually, the person asking this doesn't even know what he or she is really asking.  An open adoption is such a broad term and is different for each birthparent and adoptive couple.

Before our adoption was finalized my husband and I attended an adoption conference.  At this conference they had a panel of birthmothers who shared their experiences and answered our questions.  I learned many things from them, but one thing that I learned was how different each of their "open" adoptions were.

And the interesting thing was that for each one of them, how they had their communication and level of openness set up, worked for them.  I was reminded not to promise to a level of openness I was not willing to commit to.  Equally important, these birthmothers shared how the thing they feared the most was that the level of openness decided upon would not be honored by the adoptive family.

Everyone has heard horror stories of this happening and understandably, nobody wants it to happen to them.  Our son's birthparents were concerned about this happening to them as well.  No one enforces your relationship with one another after placement, it is between you and your child's birthparents.  The tricky thing about adoption is that not until after papers are signed and our son was placed with us, we didn't have the opportunity to prove ourselves and that we were good for our word.  Our son's birthparents had to trust us at our word, which is a hard and scary thing to do.  We could often sense that they were nervous about this, so we tried to be proactive and remind them of our commitment to them and the level of openness we had decided upon.  So this was also nerve wracking for us.  Prior to the placement, we trusted them in their commitment to the adoption, and then after placement our son's birthparents would have to trust us in our commitments to them.

Is our adoption open?  Yes.  What does that mean?  Well, in our adoption we send emails and pictures.  We felt that the first few weeks, and then also on holidays and birthdays would be especially difficult for our son's birth mother.  So we sent texts and pictures on a daily basis the first little while.  We also told her that if she was having a hard day and just wanted to see a picture of the little guy, to call or text us and we would send one.  She always sends a text saying hello when he turns another month old and I send a picture of him to her.

Our son's birthparents asked if they could visit the little guy at Christmas time and give him a gift.  We told them, "Of course."  It was nice to see them and they seemed to enjoy seeing the little guy.  I am happy with how the communication we have with our son's birthparents. They are great people and we care about them.  They gave us one of the most wonderful gifts we had ever received, and I will never forget them for that.

I am happy with the relationship we have with our son's birthparents.  And I am grateful for the love and respect they show to us as well.

A whole new wardrobe

How would it be to wake up from a nap and find that you had a whole new set of clothes waiting for you? I would love that.  And if I could wear these clothes for  3 months and then have it happen again.  Even better.

Today I am cleaning out my little guy's clothes.  He keeps growing and growing.  The first few months he breezed through his newborn clothes and had jumped into his 3 month clothes by the time he was 2 months old.  Then he took his time enjoying those clothes, but is now wanting to get a chance to wear his 3-6 month and 6 month clothes before he grows out of them.

Baby clothes sizing is so tricky.  I am looking at the 6 month clothes and they say they will fit babies 12-16 lbs and 24-26 inches.  Well, my baby is 17 lbs and 27 inches.  And they are just now fitting him.  Or maybe they would've fit him sooner, and now I am worried that he will only get to wear these clothes a few weeks.  Aaah.  I guess it's good to have these types of problems to worry about.  I am sure he will help me out by drooling and spitting all over them so he can wear 2-3 outfits a day.

I hope these clothes don't shrink in the wash, or I'll really be in trouble.  So far I haven't had any trouble with his clothes shrinking.  I have learned a little bit more about the many knobs on my washer and dryer and what they mean.  I know, technically I should wash them before he wears them, but I don't.  He had so many 3 month size clothes and I thought he would wear them just a few weeks at the rate he had been growing that I exchanged some of them for 6 month size clothes. And now it seems like I have too many 6 month clothes. Oh well.  I'll just see what he gets through and then if he doesn't get to wear some of the ones with tags on I will exchange them for a bigger size.  But he will probably have just enough and my worries will be for naught.

I am a bit concerned about the clothes I have that say they are a 6-12 month size.  That is quite a range.  I am hoping they will fit him when he is 9-12 months old.  

It has been both sad and exciting to organize my little one's drawers.  Sad to put his cute little onesies I love away, but exciting to see the new ones he will wear.  I think of the people that gave him those clothes and the love they have for my little guy and it brings a smile to my face.  I have such happy memories when I look at the clothes my little guy has worn.

Who knew you could get so sentimental about clothing?  

My husband's aunt gave him this pj outfit.  He looks so cute in them.  I will be sad when he no longer fits into these.  I am glad I put them on him early.  The size said 6 months, but they barely fit him when he was 3 months. And then they seemed to stretch out a bit and they still fit him.  I think he will wear these to bed tonight.

 Our son's birthfather's sister gave him this outfit.  It was so thoughtful and nice of her. 

One of my brothers gave him this Letterman's jacket.  I love it when it is cold enough for him to wear it.  And I get sad when he gets too warm and I need to take it off. 

Another brother of mine gave him this outfit.  I was feeling "bananas over my baby" and had fun making two of him with the photobooth feature on my computer.  :D  You can never have too much of a good thing.

So much Love

That is the line that has been running through my head these last few weeks.  This baby has brought so much love into our home and so many people have so much love for him.

When I think about his birthparents and how they love him and are concerned about how he is doing; or when I put our little guy down on the blanket his birthfather's mom and sister made for him, I am humbled by the amount of love they have for our baby.

All of our friends at work, in the neighborhood, and church have so much love for him.  I will always remember when we took our kid to church and shocked everyone with his arrival.   People were crying and smiling all at the same time.  I will always remember how "L", after hearing the news and seeing our baby said, "this is the happiest day of my life".

His uncle came to visit and decorated his room.  It looks so awesome.  After coming home from dropping my brother off at the airport I walked back into our little guy's room.  As I quietly admired his room, I felt so much love and happiness emanating from that room.  It is unbelievable how many people love our little guy.

There are many more people and experiences I could recount.

His grandma texting us saying, "I can't wait to get a hold of this little guy"
My neighbor thanking me for calling her to see if she could watch him.  And then seeing how she was willing to change her whole schedule so she could do it.
Another brother of mine leaving a message to have me call him when our baby woke up so he could talk to him.
Watching his daddy hold him and give him fatherly advice.

I feel so much love for my son when I see his bright eyes looking at me.  I feel love for him when I watch him sleep or when I respond to his cries to be held, changed, or fed.  I love talking to him, holding him, and being his mom.

When I think of the love this little guy has brought into my life, I am just in awe, and all I can say is, "Wow".  And I can't help but repeat this same phrase in my head, "so much love".

I hope our little guy will always know and feel of the love that I and countless others have for him.
He is a special little guy, that's for sure.

Adoption is about love

I will probably never by #2 on the stirrup queen's ICLW list again, and I have been trying to figure out what to say.  Do I say something witty or something profound?  Do I talk about infertility, adoption, or upcoming baby stuff?

I suppose I will write from my heart and write about adoption and more specifically about birth or expectant parents.

I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration of the birth parents of our "soon to be" child.  I think they are amazing and selfless people.

My husband and I are humbled to have been chosen by them to parent their child.

We look forward to telling our son about them and how much they love him.

They are doing something for us that we cannot do for ourselves.  They are bringing a beautiful child into our home.  Adoption truly is a miracle.  I know they will experience heart ache and pain in this process, I only hope my prayers and love for them can ease some of that for them.

I have been thinking a lot about what gift I can give them during placement, and while I have some ideas, everything just seems so small and insignificant in comparison to what they are doing for us.  So, while I will give them a small tangible gift they can hold, I think the best thing I can give them is continued contact (as we have already agreed to do) with us.  I can also give them the peace of mind through the months and years that will follow that their child is loved by us.  I will also always hold them in high esteem and tell our son how much they love him as well.

Adoption truly is about love.  I am so grateful to have my life touched by the miracle of adoption.  Many years ago when we started down this infertile path, my mind turned to think about the fact and hope that we would someday be able to experience this great miracle of adoption in our lives.  I am filled with love for my future son, love for his birth parents, and love for all those that have helped me and continue to help me in this journey.